KB Bullock, a therapist at Gay Therapy Center, lives proudly as a trans man immersed in San Francisco’s queer community. But while growing up in a small New Hampshire town, he had no exposure to LGBTQ+ people.
Bullock was assigned female at birth, though he sensed at a young age that he felt different from his peers. He gravitated toward things society deemed male without having the language or examples to make sense of it.
At age 14, Bullock discovered a blog post about a trans man, and it was a revelation. “This person was really speaking in depth to their experience; I finally had the language for it, and it really mirrored my experience,” he recalls. He began wondering if he was a boy and if transition was an option.
Gender dysphoria is a common experience for trans people, particularly for those who haven’t yet taken any steps to transition. According to the American Psychiatric Association, gender dysphoria is “psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity.”
As a gender dysphoria therapist, Bullock now better understands his own experience and how the process is often misunderstood.
“Gender dysphoria doesn’t usually just emerge suddenly; it’s more like a hunger,” he explains. “If you don’t know what hunger is, you can’t identify it. I didn’t fully experience my dysphoria until I could name and understand what I was feeling and where I was misaligned. Then things really started to click and become clearer over time.”
Sadly, even as he began to understand he was likely transgender, Bullock recognized society’s often negative perception of trans people and knew he wasn’t in a safe environment to explore or transition.
As Bullock grew older, he sought out therapy before making any decisions about coming out. He worked with cisgender and straight therapists at first, while those experiences were overall positive, he remembers it didn’t feel organic to vocalize certain things. Plus, without the lived experience, the therapists couldn’t as easily pick up on unspoken thoughts or feelings.
Later, as Bullock prepared to come out, he found a queer therapy practice with a transgender therapist. Working with someone who had been in his shoes was life changing, and Bullock formally came out around three years ago. It led him full-circle into a career where he now provides gender-affirming care for other trans people.
Bullock has now spent several years living authentically and helping his therapy clients do the same. While the trans community is under attack from the government and facing erasure, Bullock sees even more purpose in his work.
Below, he shares some of the ways working with a transgender therapist and therapy for trans people, by trans people, can be a critical resource — especially right now.
1. They provide judgment-free transgender therapy
Working with an affirming therapist, whether in the LGBTQ+ community or not, can be a vital part of a support system. But many trans people feel more safe, understood, and affirmed by seeing an LGBTQ therapist who’s at least part of the same wider community. Seeing someone who shares their exact identity can be even more powerful, especially early on in a gender identity journey.
“Things are easier when you know you’re with a deeply caring, supportive guide when you’re doing this deep work and gaining insights into yourself,” Bullock says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s about gender or something else that’s core to your identity — cracking open and exploring things integral to your identity deserves space that’s loving and respectful.”
He knows from experience how working with an LGBTQ+ therapist, particularly someone who has been through a similar journey, can make a difference.
“It mattered a lot that I just had someone in the LGBTQ+ community who was competent, but I do think it made an incredible difference at that point that the clinician was trans,” he says. “I didn’t know their life story, but knowing the therapist was trans inherently made the space more welcoming, and I felt more able to actively explore my gender and voice my fears and concerns,” Bullock remembers.
It’s important to note that gender-affirming therapy is always meant to be a safe and nonjudgmental space, even if you don’t ultimately determine that you are transgender. You don’t need to land on a specific identity or reach a certain conclusion to benefit from the process.
That’s because the purpose of therapy isn’t to land at a specific endpoint; it’s to be held and guided without judgment as you explore your inner world. “My role isn’t to advocate for anything specific, but to truly, deeply listen to people where they’re at and support my clients as they discover themselves,” Bullock says. “I’m not there to push or encourage anyone in any direction except for their own growth and what feels authentic to them. I’m there to stay present with them and be there for whatever comes up and leads to more clarity.”
2. They can be a role model when you’re starting out
The process of awakening to your identity and needs can be especially challenging if you haven’t had much exposure to transgender or nonbinary people, or you haven’t spent time with someone further along in their journey than you.
When he received gender dysphoria counseling, Bullock found an unexpected benefit by working with a transgender therapist: they became a role model to him.
As someone just coming to terms with his own transness, he felt empowered by witnessing someone further along the journey, fulfilled and living their best life. Someone he could look up to and see that his future could be that bright, too.
“The point of realizing you’re trans and starting to transition can be one of the most challenging times,” Bullock says. “As I was finally at the point of really accepting myself, it was powerful to be in a room with a trans therapist who was so open and proud. I was embodying authenticity for the first time in my life, and for me, they were modeling confidence, resilience, and authenticity.”
That therapy was time-limited, so Bullock needed a new therapist. While he still preferred someone in the LGBTQ+ community, he felt solid in his identity at that point and was willing to see someone without the exact same lived experience. “I’ve seen a wonderful queer therapist for the last two years who isn’t trans,” Bullock says. “Despite her not being trans, she’s trans-affirming, and I feel very much seen and accepted.”
3. They can share resources
Unlike other identities or topics some people might bring to therapy, the transgender community often needs to find resources for medical transition, and possibly additional layers of social support.
One of the benefits of working with a transgender therapist is they can point you to these resources, Bullock says.
“As a therapist, I’m embedded with my local community,” he explains. “I know what’s accessible and available with the medical side of transitioning, how to navigate the healthcare system, what support groups are available, and what other local resources someone could be connected to. I can educate clients on what’s available.”
Even if you see a therapist virtually, they will likely know where you can find directories of affirming local resources or other vetted places to find the right information.
4. They’re an ongoing source of support
The need for gender dysphoria therapy doesn’t necessarily end after you’ve gone through your initial stages of self-acceptance, coming out, and taking steps to transition. Many trans and nonbinary people find it helpful to continue seeing a therapist, whether the clinician is transgender or in the broader LGBTQ+ community.
Gender journeys don’t have an end point, and new feelings, questions, or concerns might arise at different times in your life. “Even though I formally came out three years ago, I think it’s a never-ending process of reflection,” Bullock says.
Bullock wants trans people to know that therapy isn’t just for exploring feelings about gender; it can also be an important tool to help you cope with life’s everyday stressors and emotions. And in this current moment, it can be a lifesaving space to process fears and concerns about the world as a trans person.
“Right now, as a trans therapist, I feel one of my central tenants and values is helping people navigate the current societal and political pressures,” he explains. “All of these anti-trans policies and legislation around healthcare access have heightened peoples’ fears and created a climate of uncertainty, including for me. I find it’s my role to create space for people to process those feelings and to validate their experiences in an environment that’s a refuge from it all.”
Is There a Gender-Affirming or Transgender Therapist Near Me?
There are gender dysphoria counselors all over the country, but if you can’t find one near you, don’t panic — there are many who see clients virtually. Someone who can personally understand your gender identity journey may be as close as a click away. Schedule a free consult call today to get started working with a transgender therapist.
