In couples counseling, John was surprised to learn about Antonio’s history of trauma. Antonio had endured constant bullying throughout his childhood which left him unable to fully trust others or feel safe in relationships. Both partners began to realize that Antonio’s lying and betrayal was linked to his unconscious attempt to sabotage their loving relationship. Deep down Antonio’s insecurity led him to derail the relationship before John could abandon him.
As the counseling progressed, John recognized that he was coasting in their relationship. He had been traveling a lot and had stopped focusing on Antonio or offering him validation. They had sex but no romance. This added to Antonio’s insecurities and fear of abandonment.
By the end of their six months of work, John and Antonio learned how to be more vulnerable and honest with each other. For example, when Antonio had cathartic moments of sharing the stories of his trauma, John was moved and showed deep empathy and understanding. This helped Antonio feel the truth of John’s love and care for him.
John was able to forgive Antonio for the betrayal by learning the “why” of Antonio’s behavior. In their couples sessions together it was also healing for John to witness Antonio’s deep remorse and pain at hurting John. John came to understand that Antonio’s actions were not driven by a conscious intent to cause harm.
Like many couples in counseling, the crisis ultimately became a turning point—bringing them to a greater sense of security, closeness, and commitment to each other.
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