Emily’s therapist drew from Narrative Therapy, which understands that the stories we hold about our lives are often not written by us, but by culture. The therapeutic process invites clients to get curious and specific about what is important to them, to support them making choices that align with deeply held values.
Emily came to understand that she’d been influenced by “good girlism” – connected both to the identity she took up in the face of her parents’ divorce, as well as cultural ideas that corner young women into believing they can be either smart or pretty, but not both (to say nothing of more complex and interesting identities). She understood these ideas sometimes led her to abandon herself.
Through therapy, Emily liberated herself from these limiting narratives. She began to see herself as a woman who’d bucked expectations before and could do so again, centering values of openness, honesty, and self-advocacy. She and her therapist drew upon her relationship with her beloved cat, an ally who reflected and illustrated qualities she wanted to embody, like fearlessness, adventure, resilience, confidence, wild joy (the good kind of abandon!), a strong sense of alive-ness and belonging in the world.
She developed a deeper understanding of her own strengths and a greater appreciation for what she could offer others. Ultimately, this clarity led her to leave the throuple, establish a new relationship that deeply met her needs, and even switch careers.
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