Pronouns: He, Him
License: LMFT
Education: Marylhurst University, Portland, OR, Bachelor of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies; Sonoma State University, Rohnert Park, CA, Masters in Counseling (Clinical Mental Health Counseling)
Do you ever feel like finding a way to thrive in life, or in your relationship, seems impossible? We have all been there.
Working with skilled therapists gave me the tools I needed to thrive and brought me to where I am today.
I specialize in working with individuals experiencing anxiety and depression and with couples looking to make their relationships stronger. I am trained in Gottman Method couples therapy and Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. These complementary approaches to couples therapy offer my clients a balance of both tangible tools to improve their communication and insight into the underlying issues that lead to many of the conflicts couples experience.
I’m not one of those therapists whose clients constantly wonder what I’m thinking. Many of my clients report that they appreciate my candor and transparency. I have a warm, compassionate, and active approach.
In my free time, you can find me outside enjoying the beautiful outdoors that California has to offer, often with my two dogs and husband in tow. I also volunteer to serve on the board of a local queer and trans nonprofit, Positive Images. I have completed the AIDS/Lifecycle several times to support California’s residents battling HIV/AIDS.
I look forward to meeting you soon and supporting you on your journey of finding enduring resiliency in either the relationship have with yourself or your partner.
Get to know Kevin, LGBTQ Therapist in Portland, Oregon and in California
What’s your favorite technique or strategy for managing stress or anxiety?
I always remind myself that the voice of anxiety is really effective at robbing me of three things: (1) self trust, (2) trust in my important relationships, and (3) trust that things just often have a way of working out. When I feel really anxious I try to mindfully return to self-trust, trust in those around me, and trust in life itself.
What is a helpful coping skill for dealing with shame?
Shame is so sticky, isn’t it? I think sunlight is the best cure for shame. When we bring our shame into the light and allow it to be witnessed and supported by safe loved ones, it naturally lessens its grip on us.
What is your greatest strength as a therapist?
I would say my ability to turn the content of a session into something actionable for the client(s). I sometimes joke that building insight and self-awareness is the door prize of therapy. You can have all the insight in the world, but if we don’t know what to do with that insight, it’s not very useful.
Share your favorite self-care tip.
Self-care is so much more than taking a bubble bath, having a spa day, or some other indulgence. It’s about creating a life that you love with resiliency and intention so that you don’t need to regularly retreat to these indulgences in order to get back to neutral.
Let’s break the stigma! Share a myth about therapy you’d like to debunk.
That therapy is somehow the opiate to the masses. It’s a myth that therapy just makes you feel better in the moment and doesn’t lead to lasting change. If you have practical tools to use after each session your therapist is teaching you how to become your own therapist. I believe that every therapist should be working themselves out of the job.
Share a book or resource that had a positive impact on your mental health.
Anything by Irvin Yalom. The Upward Spiral by Alex Korb for those working on depression. Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind by Jennifer Shannon for those working on anxiety. But if I could only recommend one book for the rest of my career it would be Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski. This one seriously changed my life and how I respond to and prevent stress.
Share a quote or mantra that helps you through tough times.
“Thank goodness I’m so good at feeling big feelings”.
When big emotions would come up earlier in my own therapy journey, my therapist would instruct me to close my eyes and dive into the feeling, I would let the big feeling fill me up until it was almost intolerable. Then I would open my eyes and come back into the room. Over time, I became much more confident in feeling really big feelings. This helped me be less afraid of strong emotions and has contributed significantly to my sense of resiliency over time.
How do you differentiate between self-care and self-indulgence?
For me, it’s all about kindness. Sometimes, allowing myself to have a cookie is the kindest choice I can make. Other times, not having the cookie is the kindest choice to myself. It takes mindful checking in with myself through the lens of kindness to my most important relationship — the one that I have with myself.
How did you come to therapy as a career?
I became a therapist because I listened deeply to one particular emotion: envy. I have a very dear friend who became a therapist several years before me. We would get together and I would pepper her with questions about her work. When she would leave, I would be filled with envy for the good work she was doing in our community. The envy was pointing me in the direction my life was wanting to go. I believe that our emotions often contain priceless data for us to mine for wisdom.
Why do you specialize in Couples Therapy?
I believe that our greatest wounds are relational in nature, which means the healing has to also be deeply relational. A significant predictor of overall happiness in a person’s life is the strength of their most important relationships. I believe that turning partnerships into fundamentally healing relationships holds the greatest healing capacity, even more than the relationship between therapist and client, so I’ve devoted my life to help queer folx improve their romantic relationships. I think it’s where my efforts can have the most impact.
