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Adam D. Blum, founder of the Gay Therapy Center, discusses the process of individual psychotherapy. View time: 1:38 min.

Are You Concerned That You And Your Partner Are Sexually Incompatible?

Do you have a great partner, but not-so-great sex? Has sexual incompatibility with your partner been causing you both distress? Have you been wondering if it’s possible to have a loving relationship and good sex without having to choose between the two?

Perhaps you’ve wondered if your inability to be satisfied means there is something wrong with your sexuality. Maybe you’re concerned you are addicted to online chatting or hookup apps, and that it threatens your ability to commit to someone you care about. You may worry about ruining your relationship, yet you can’t seem to stay away from these temptations. The search for sexual satisfaction could be occupying large amounts of your time when you need to be focused on work or your relationship. Maybe sex has led to painful fights with your partner.

Would you like to learn how to have a satisfying sex life and a loving relationship – not just one or the other? Do you want to be happier on an emotional and sexual level?

Sexuality Therapy Can Help Address The Reasons For Unfulfilling Sex

Working with my therapist has helped more then I knew I needed. I can’t put into words I grateful I am for this experience.
— Recent Client Feedback

Our LGBTQ sexuality therapists can help you learn how to talk about sex and feel closer to your partner at the end of the conversation. For example, when someone you love says no to sex, it has an emotional impact. We can help you both process the feelings that come up when this happens: how it feels when a partner doesn’t meet sexual needs, as well as how it feels when you can’t give your partner what they desire.

In our sessions, you will learn how to talk about sex in a productive way and let go of shame surrounding your sexuality. Our approach is based on the belief that sexually healthy people accept their uniqueness rather than fight it.

Good communication is slow and deliberate, whereas fighting happens “fast,” often with partners quickly saying things that are hurtful or unproductive. We will show you communication techniques built on empathy, deep listening, and decelerated conversations that will enable you both to fully hear each. We want you both to be able to talk about sex in a way that brings you closer together, rather than drives you further apart.

In addition to communication skill-building, we may teach you “sensate exercises” to practice outside of therapy sessions: massage, non-sexual touching, and getting in-tune with emotions and sensations.

Sexual Compulsion And Sexual Incompatibility In The LGBTQ Community

The LGBTQ experience – growing up gay, experiencing adversity, and being misunderstood – is complex, and even traumatic for some of us. Few people who identify as LGBTQ aren’t dealing with at least some kind of shame about their sexuality.

For those who are experiencing sex addiction (or as we call it, “sexual compulsion”), therapy can address the underlying causes and detect what you truly need in order to be satisfied. Compulsion isn’t about sex, necessarily, but about filling an emotional hole of sadness, loneliness, shame, or pain associated with trauma. Sexual compulsion can be a way to avoid confronting those feelings.

If you’re concerned about sexual incompatibility with your partner, we will help you understand that you are more sexually flexible than you know. Anonymous hookups are not the only way to experience continued excitement; the brain is more easily molded than you think.

For humans, the following equation is true when it comes to sex: attraction + obstacles = excitement. It’s a driving reason for why people seek out hookups and new experiences. It’s also why monogamy can be hard for some people. If you are committed to monogamy, we will show you how using fantasy, role-play, or creativity in a long-term relationship can be helpful.

If you and your partner are in an open relationship, we can teach you how to have one that doesn’t hurt. At the Gay Therapy Center, part of our agenda is to help couples with beautiful, intimate communication. Without that support, sexuality can definitely hurt.

You May Have Some Concerns About Sexuality Therapy…

What if I experience further shame in the therapy session?

We already know LGBTQ people experience shame. We’ve been there, and we know how to bring about conversations about sexuality in ways that soften feelings of shame that may arise. Ultimately, we strive to create a safe, nonjudgmental atmosphere in which you can be yourself and voice your needs without judgment.

What if my LGBTQ experience isn’t understood?

This is the primary reason we have exclusively LGBTQ sexuality therapists. We believe that no one quite understands the experiences of LGBTQ people and issues tied to sexual identity like other LGBTQ people.

Is counseling expensive?

Good sex and satisfying relationships are a major determinant of happiness in life. Therapy is an investment in your romantic future, and your ability to connect with others. When something of value experiences difficulties, you invest time and money to get it fixed – relationships are the same way.

Call To Schedule An Appointment With An LBGTQ Sexuality Therapist

If you are ready to start working on your relationship with sexuality, we invite you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with the link below.


Recent Gay Therapy Center Blog and Video Posts about LGBTQ Sexuality: